Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The Attic

Today I set off on a mission to reorganize my room. I moved in with my mother and brother when Kady went off to college. Going from a 2 bedroom townhome to a bedroom is not an easy task. Over the past two years I have tried to make my room as homie as I could since I spend alot of time there. All the furniture that is in here is my mothers. There is no closet in my room. I can't remember why but my father sort of took out the closet and made it like a little nook with a window. In that nook is the door to the attic. I was trying to keep my clothes up there but it's so packed with all my mothers old clothes and items that there really no room. I was trying to figure out where to put my winter things and went to look for a storage bin in the attic. Of course I started to rumage around up there and it was like Christmas. I found all kinds of presents that she had forgotten about and never gave me. In my rumaging I also found an old box full of pictures and letters. As I was looking throught these pictures from my mother in her 20's till her 40's I just sat and cried. She is now 83 and has alzheimers and she is so unkept. That was never her. I feel so guilty that she doesn't have her hair done and nice clothes on her everyday. I've tried but she never wants to go out and then the clothes she keeps trying to give them to me thinking their mine. She won't put them on. I just wish that I could make her understand that they are hers. Actually she has so much clothing that I could probably have decent wardrobes for several worman who need them. I think I am going to have to spend a few days up there going through her things and start getting rid of clothes that I know she will never wear again. I hate to do this. I feel like I'm getting ready for her end. I don't know what will be harder doing it now or doing after the day she is no longer here with me.

Monday, April 19, 2010

The Borders Experience

When I was younger, pre mommie hood, and I got depressed or just even felt ho hum I use to cheer myself up with going to Pier Imports. Now don't laugh, something about that store would always change my mood. I didn't necessarily have to buy anything, just walking around there for an hour looking at every little goodie would change my day. I know that sounds silly but it really did. Then if I was really down in the dumps I would then go to the subway and get a meatball parm sub and go home and enjoy that. Since Kady was born I sort of stopped going there. I did up to her toddler years and she just would hate the idea of going to that store. She would whine and complain the whole time. So I sort of phased that out of my life. Well in the last several years I found another mood enhancer. Borders Book Stores are now my new pick me upper. I can go in there and browse for hours. Before Kady left for college I went their one night and just seemed to find it so relaxing. I went probably to scan the shelves for new jewelry making ideas. I was not much of a reader and mainly would get books or magazines dealing with jewelry making but walking in that night I was hooked. I think I walked out with cook books and jewelry books and probably books on Kabbalah. Over the last year of Kady being home with every mother daughter agrument we would have I would go off to Borders to regroup. Then that day had come in San Diego that I dropped my baby girl off at college and had to walk away. I went back to the empty hotel room, sobbed my eyes out and then decided to take a trip to the borders in the area to see if the magic would work there too. Still all teary eyed I wondered the Borders looking for something to read on the plane to keep me from crying all the way back to New Jersey. I bought a book by Louise Hay about positive thinking and a purple journal. I found a local convinence store and loading up on junk food and went back to the room and threw an importu party for myself. Declaring that it was now my time to do what ever I wanted. I had been a daughter then a wife and then a single mother. Now I was going to be Carol Betz. Over the last 3 years I haven't totally pulled it off, as you all already know. So, tonight I went to my feel good store, Borders. I went there for one particular item. A book that I happen to hear about through the Oprah website. The book is called Queen of Your Own Life, it's by Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff. If any of you have ever watched the Drew Carey Show, you will know who Kathy Kinney is. She is the woman who plays Mimi. Granted this book is probably more the woman in my age group but I really can't see why it would not apply to all women. Well I ended up getting a magazine on Jewelry and a discount cookbook too. But even though I wasn't in any mood funk I still walked out totally happy and grateful that Borders is in my vincinity. Now I'm going to start looking through my books.

Carol Betz

Tried and True Favorites

First of all I promised pictures of my spring cleaning well here they are.I told you that it looked like a bomb went off in my room!

I discovered I have a weird addiction to face creams. I had so many premature aging creams that I never used. When going through all these I decided to throw them out and start again but this time use one until it's gone. I'll let you know what I'm trying and if I see any improvements. One product I have used for years now and won't stop using is from Burts Bees. It's called Orange Essence Facial Cleanser. I started using it when I got a small travel size one as part of a present from my brother and his wife. I love the way it makes my skin feel clean. My skin tends to be sensitive and drys out very easily. This cleanser is made for normal to dry and sensitive skin. Orange Essense removes my makeup and doesn't make my skin feel tight like most soaps do. I also use the Burts Bees Citrus Facial scrub with it. I mix the two together and massage it all over my face. Once I'm done my skin has a nice glow and I look very refreshed. The clay mask is another one of my favorites. I'm a big fan of Burts Bees products and even though I have tried other products I just keep coming back to them.

Now as far as clothes, my daughter wants me to wait till she comes home in May to help me with the whole new wardrobe. I really do trust her taste as she has always trusted mine. I use to be always on top of my game as far as my wardrobe. I never walked out the door without looking like someone who just walked out of a photoshoot for a magazine. My wonderful and very fashionable mother taught me at a very young age about fashion and I handed all that knowledge down to my daughter. Somewhere along the line though I stopped and just didn't care. I guess that came along with the low self esteem or maybe the low self esteem came first. I guess it's who came first the chicken or the egg type questions. Which ever it is it is not going to be in my way now. Well all I know is that all the makeup in the world is not going to help if I don't get to bed and get some sleep so toodles for now.

Carol Betz

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Spring Cleaning

Today I started to go through some of my clothes and beauty products. The next thing you know my room looked like a bomb went off in it. As soon as I can find the cord to the camera in this mess I'll down load the pictures. I already knew that I was in desperate need of clothes. What I found was I have quite a number of tee shirts but no jeans or shorts. Also, I have not one cute summer dress or skirt. Sad, isn't it? Told you I let my self go. I got so frugul to the point I didn't feel it was necessary. There was always something else I could spend the money on than me. Well I made a vow that once I got my tax return money that I was going to go on a shopping spree. Yahoo! The money is in my account. As I was dragging out all of these relics of clothing and old beauty products I decided to sit down and do this shopping spree in a very organized manner. This way I know what I'm looking for and not to go overboard on things I really don't need. Then maybe when I get out to the store I won't get that I don't need it feeling. I will know I do. Since I'm someone out of the loop of whats in style (I never thought I would say that. I was always a little fashionista) I am going to go and look at a couple of magazines to see what style and colors are in.
One thing I am definately getting this year is a bathing suit. I haven't had one in years. I never seem to have the time to go to the beach. I live about 15 minutes away. See what I mean never think of me time. When I lived out west I was at the beach almost daily. Even if it meant grabbing a cup of coffee and walking down just to sit and look at  the ocean. I know that most of you ladies are younger than me so here's some words of advice. Do not let this happen to you. Always take alittle time out for yourself. What ever seemed more pressing will be there when you come back. Trust me on that one. Well anyway off to the store for me to go get a couple of magazines. Since it is a nice day out today maybe I'll go to the beach with a cup of coffee and towel and read them on the beach. See ya later. Toddles

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Doing Some Soul Searching

Hi Everybody. Hope everyone is well. I know I haven't been blogging, but I needed some time to do some soul searching. I hit 49 years old this year and I looked in the mirror and realized that the woman looking back at me wasn't someone I knew. It was this woman who was definately older than I was. That just couldn't be me.   I kept promising myself that I was going to work on this but until today I haven't made that attempt. You know when you say you want to do something but are too afraid of failing well.... This is the plan and I really need your support. I want to revamp my life in every aspect. I want to work on my health, my looks and my finances. I'm going to start eating right. No more trips through the drive thru. Eat three meals a day which I haven't done in ages. It's not like I need to lose weight, I'm very lucky in that I am thin. Then of course my looks. I am going to get a whole new wardrobe. I am tired of looking so frumpy. I see women who look so put together and I am embarrassed of how I have let myself go. I use to be the all time fashionista that wouldn't dare walk out of the house not looking perfect. So I'm going to get as many pieces of clothing I can get within my budget of $1,000.00. Then of course I am going to start wearing makeup again. I don't even remember when I stopped wearing makeup but I know I need it now. The other thing is getting my hair cut in a new style and keeping up on getting it colored. Then last but not least my finances. I haven't written in my checkbook in years and that darn debit card is so easy to use. Then my big goal this year is moving into my own home again. I love my mother to death but I need to feel that I can be independent again. This is one of the hardest goals because even though my mother isn't even quite sure who I am anymore there still is this bond between us. When she gets confused and scared she comes to me and pleads with me to never leave her. I thought that when the day comes I will just bring her to my home. Now you know my goals and like I said before I really need your support and if you have any words of encouragement, they will be greatly appreciated. I am going to blog everyday to let you all know how I'm doing.