Sunday, January 8, 2012

Don't Worry Be Happy

Every time I hear that song I wonder how can I be happy?  How can I wake up in the morning with a smile on my face and not a thought of my bills and no money and up coming student loans and a car that is about to give out on me. I keep seeing no way off of this terrible merry go round that is making me sick.
A few weeks ago it hit me, one of those "a ha moments" that Oprah talks about. I haven't been taking care of myself.  Through all of the past four years I have been so stressed out about money and how can I get enough money to live, I wasn't living!  I was taking away from myself to pay bills and to make ends meet. How you ask? I wasn't eating very well at all. I was putting my money on my bills first. Then I don't sleep. I lay in bed and worry all night.
So to make a long story short I realized that if I am blessed enough to get an in person interview, who's going to hire a person who has dark circles under her eyes and looks sickly.  Also what good is it if I end up in the hospital (another bill) or God forbid dead.  And if the latter was to happen what does it matter if the cell phone gets turned off or the storage unit auctions off my stuff ( there are the only two bills I have.)  Then of course not eating or sleeping is not helping with my mood. That day that I had this revelation I went over to my book shelf and picked up a book I bought several years ago called Eat This and Live by Don Colbert, MD. I sat and read it from front to back and have about 20 little tab markers in it.  I also read Detox For The Rest Of Us, by Carole Jacobs which I was thrilled to not have to give up meat altogether cause I'm a steak and potato kind of girl.  The recipes in this book sound great and seem to be pretty affordable. I have been fighting this battle all the wrong way. To be happy I have to be healthy. To attract good things into my life I need to be happy.  So eating right is my first course of action.  If I come up with some good healthy recipes I'll try to post them. Or if any of you have some really good recipes that cost hardly anything to make I would really appreciate it.  So wish me luck on my road back to recovery and finally jumping off this crazy merry go round.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Why I stopped Blogging.

I know  haven't blogged in about a year.  To be honest I just haven't felt like it. After the death of Kevin things in my life just kept getting more depressing. My job was giving me less hours and I couldn't meet my bills. Thank God for tax returns. And the universe came through for me once again by giving me enough to get caught up for a while. It's not like I have all these out standing bills.  I haven't had a credit card in years! My motto is, "if I can't buy it with cash than I don't get it".  That's a motto more people should use. I seem to get in trouble with the ATM debit card.  It makes it to easy for you to spend your money on things not in your budget.  For me its eating out! Every day I was waking up worrying about my bills. It was the first thing on my mind when I open my eyes. Trying to find a job is another frustrating area that has made me feel useless. I use to be a loan processor and I can't even get a teller job.  I don't seem to be quailfied for anything and I have lost most of my self esteem due to the countless times I never even was called in for a interview.
Now to top it off I had another person I cared for pass away in this year. Her name was Nancy. She was the wife of Michael who I grew up with. I've known her forever it seems but about two years ago we got together to have a girls day out in Philadelphia and we had the best time. We kept promising each other that we had to do it again and we never got that chance. There's another good lesson never let the world get in the way of spending time with friends and loved ones because you may not have the chance tomorrow. She is so missed. Oddly enough the last time we saw each other we both were in tears over our close friend Kevin.
Than to top off this year my beloved dog Angel  passed away too.  Since I didn't have the money to take him the the vet, I watched him suffer. He was about 15 years old and had a good life, but I miss all his little goofy things he use to do and wish I could have made it more comfortable for his last hours.
Well, enough of me whinning about my problems. I just wanted to give everyone an idea of why I haven't been blogging. I just had nothing great going on in my life and thought I don't want to make anyone feel bad for me.  Now it's a new year and like the saying goes it's never to late to start the day over. So here we go I'm starting the day over or this year I'm starting over with a new attitude that everything is a test of my attitude toward situations. My motto this year is going to be, "I can do this!" Also I am going to be grateful for all that I do have and for all the joy that the little things in life bring to me!