Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Today I set off on a mission to reorganize my room. I moved in with my mother and brother when Kady went off to college. Going from a 2 bedroom townhome to a bedroom is not an easy task. Over the past two years I have tried to make my room as homie as I could since I spend alot of time there. All the furniture that is in here is my mothers. There is no closet in my room. I can't remember why but my father sort of took out the closet and made it like a little nook with a window. In that nook is the door to the attic. I was trying to keep my clothes up there but it's so packed with all my mothers old clothes and items that there really no room. I was trying to figure out where to put my winter things and went to look for a storage bin in the attic. Of course I started to rumage around up there and it was like Christmas. I found all kinds of presents that she had forgotten about and never gave me. In my rumaging I also found an old box full of pictures and letters. As I was looking throught these pictures from my mother in her 20's till her 40's I just sat and cried. She is now 83 and has alzheimers and she is so unkept. That was never her. I feel so guilty that she doesn't have her hair done and nice clothes on her everyday. I've tried but she never wants to go out and then the clothes she keeps trying to give them to me thinking their mine. She won't put them on. I just wish that I could make her understand that they are hers. Actually she has so much clothing that I could probably have decent wardrobes for several worman who need them. I think I am going to have to spend a few days up there going through her things and start getting rid of clothes that I know she will never wear again. I hate to do this. I feel like I'm getting ready for her end. I don't know what will be harder doing it now or doing after the day she is no longer here with me.