My Bad Habit

I hate to admit this to all of you but I am a smoker. I know it's a disgusting habit! I started smoking at 14 years old and I am going to be 50 on January 29th, so I've been smoking for 36 years. OMG! That does sound horrible! Well the reason I am telling you this because about 3 years ago when I was in San Diego I came across a kiosk that had the electronic cigarettes. I, of course had to try it out. I was in shock of how much it tasted like a real cigarette. I even made Kady try it. Kady, who is not a smoker and hates the smell of cigarettes agreed.  You should have seen her face when I asked her to try it! The look of this is horrible was proof positive that it did taste like a regular cigarette. By the way I knew she had attempted  smoking. (because of course like a lot of teenagers she thought it looked cool) Kady tells me everything, and when she did try smoking she came home that night and asked me if I was nuts because cigarettes tasted terrible. Mom was not the best role model.  I guess watching her mother puff away just added a bit more glamour to it. Well thank God she hates it. So to get on with the story,  I wanted to buy it on the spot but of course like always I really didn't have the money. I was trying to furnish Kady's dorm room and get her all comfortable with her new surroundings. So I promised myself that someday I would get this. Well it took 3 years to finally break down and spend the money. I have been going out to my car and smoking because I won't smoke in my mother's home. The other thing that you need to know about me is I hate cold weather. Not that New Jersey is the coldest place in the world but it might as well be Alaska to me. I finally was sitting in my car the other night and freezing my little tushy off and thought about these electronic smokes. Today as I was cleaning out a drawer I found the card the man had given me at that kiosk 3 years ago. I went on the website and found that they where having a sale. I cost me $60.00 instead of the 190.00 it would have cost me that day in San Diego. See the universe does work in mysterious ways. Maybe someone out there heard my plea or at least the chattering of my teeth.

One of those "Ah Ha" moments

On the 22 of November I had to pick up my daughter at the Philadelphia Airport. Nothing really new, I have been driving to and from the airport alot in the past several years. This time once I had gotten off the expressway and ontoFront Street I stopped at the light and saw this homeless woman on the corner. There have been people with signs there in the past but I really didn't pay much attention to them. Guess my thoughts were I was broke and couldn't really help them. I only had enough money to pay for parking and for the tolls on the way home. This day was different, maybe because it was a woman. Maybe it was because something was telling me to pay more attention. Well on with the story, I drove by her like I did the others but all the rest of the way to the airport I thought about her. It was cold out (well to me at least) and I wondered if she was really homeless. Where did she sleep at night? Did she have kids? Is she out there because she screwed up her life or is it that everything went wrong? (you know, lost her job, her home, etc)Once I got to the airport and reunited with my daughter I had forgotten all about this woman. Kady and I went to a local famous restaraunt for a philly cheese steak and then about 3 hours later proceeded to go back home. As we came to the light again on Front Street she was still out there with her sign. This time as I passed her I took a really good look at her. Her hood was up and her jacket was zippered to the top. As I passed we both looked right at each other. I saw the despair in her eyes! She just look sad and frightened! I thought of her all this past week, especially on Thanksgiving. I could have easily be her. I have more debt than I do money. I live with my mother rent free because I can not afford a place of my own. I drive my mothers car. If I did not have my mother and brother I would be out on the streets.

When I was driving Kady back to the airport on Sunday I saw her again at the light on Front Street with her sign. This time I told Kady to give me some money she was holding for parking. She handed me a dollar and asked me what I was doing. I stopped at the green light on that corner and gave this woman the money. As I handed the money to her I felt how dry and rough her hands were. She looked at me and said God bless you. I said "no, God bless you". God has already blessed me with a roof over my head and a car to drive and even a part time job. So the next time you pass a homeless person, don't judge, just give. In todays world there are too many people like you or I who might be standing on a street corner needing money to buy a warm meal. I feel that this woman was a lesson for me to appreciate all that I do have. I know that my dollar didn't get her much but it helped. I could see that in her eyes.

My Crazy LIfe

 May was the last time I sat down to blog. On May 22nd Kady came home from college with a girlfriend for a week. Everything was great. My baby girl was home, she had her friend here for a week and we got to show her the sites of Atlantic City and she met all Kady's friends. They even got to go up to NYC to for a little overnight trip. Well then everything went downhill from there. A week later I got this call at work from my daughter sobbing hysterically. She was on her way back from dropping her friend off at the airport and was about 10 minutes from home and she was in a car accident. All I remember hearing was she had glass in her head! I don't think I have ever have driven so fast down the White Horse Pike in my life. She was at home because she refused medical treatment at the scene. I got to the house and she just collasped in my arms crying and kept saying it wasn't her fault. It seems that a man was busy looking at his GPS ran a red light and she did not have enough time to stop. The car was totaled! All I cared about was that she was alright. I then had to take her to the emergency ward to have her checked out.  Nothing broken, just bruised up. Glass was in her hair not in her head, thank God! Now the fun part police reports, insurance papers and the very rude insurance adjuster from the man's insurance agency. Then of course getting Kady another car. You don't know how terrible I felt when most of the dealerships told us that I wasn't a strong enough co-signer and she had no one else that would co-sign for her. I am a firm believer in " The Secret" especially after this episode of mishaps. When both of us were at the end of our ropes and did not know how to remedy this I recieved a piece of mail that implied that I was eligable for a car loan at a local dealership. One we had not even gone to. I called to find out more about it and I was told to come in and meet with Tim Flannagan. So off we went to give this one more try. When we walked into Tim's office I knew I knew him from somewhere and the same was going through his mind. It turns out he and his wife use to babysit Kady when she was small. I haven't seen this man in about 15 years. Once we realized how we knew each other he guaranteed that by hell or high water he would figure out a way for us to get a car loan. A few days later Kady was driving off the lot with a 2008 Chevy Colbalt. Granted Kady's dream car is a Ford Mustang but she was just happy we got a car. One problem solved .
Next, this was the year Kady was going to bring her car with her to school out west. Now, my job if that is what you want to call it was only giving me anywhere from 10 to 17 hours a week. At $8.50 an hour that doesn't even pay my bills. So money was so tight.  Kady was working 40 hours a week through the summer to help me pay the bills. She was going to take the money this summer to help her with the cost of the apartment she was moving into. Well the cost of getting the car out there and her flying  was draining the rest of her hard earned money. Then low and behold we got her student loan and we ended up with more than we expected. We ended up driving the car out together and me flying home. Once again the Universe came through for us. We had a wonderful trip that we will remember always. Now the other problem which I don't think that the universe can fix is my mother. The Alzheimers is getting worse. We have to watch her very closely that she does not get in the shower without our help and or do something that she may injure herself. I feel like my brother and I now have a toddler to watch over. She doesn't know how to wash her own hair now or brush her teeth. I now have become a mother to my mother and it's so hard and heartbreaking. Another strokeof universal intervention did come about a few weeks ago. I have been wanting to go back to making jewelry but I have been totally uninspired. Well my friend called me and asked me if I wanted to go back to teaching classes at Michaels. I jumped at the chance because I loved teaching the classes and realized that maybe this is what I needed to do to try to get my creative juices flowing again. The other thing that I really loved doing was blogging and decided that I will start another blog for my students. So there is my story of my crazy life. Now it is time to buckle down and start to take some time for me. Even if it means locking myself in a closet somewhere to try to meditate for 10 minutes. Well enough of me rambling on. Off to get some much need sleep. Sweet dreams

Carol Betz

What Mom Said

The other day at work we got in these stitcheries. Most of them had sweet little comments like home sweet home or home is where the love is, etc. There is one in particular that I just loved. With Mothers Day just around the corner I thought I would share it with all of you. Me, being a mother of a 20 year old young lady I have hit everyone of these sayings. It funny I remember all of these sayings coming from my mother and I thought I'm never going to say that to my child. Well guess what, I did and some of them quite a few times. I have even said one or two of them and threw my hand over my mouth thinking that maybe I could catch it before it passed my lips but low and behold it was to late. So enjoy this and for you mothers out there that swear your never going to say some of these little ditties trust me you will. Have a wonderful Mothers Day!

PS. Sorry that it is alittle bit off center me and a co worker were trying to take the picture without getting in any trouble.

luv ya,
Carol Betz

The Attic

Today I set off on a mission to reorganize my room. I moved in with my mother and brother when Kady went off to college. Going from a 2 bedroom townhome to a bedroom is not an easy task. Over the past two years I have tried to make my room as homie as I could since I spend alot of time there. All the furniture that is in here is my mothers. There is no closet in my room. I can't remember why but my father sort of took out the closet and made it like a little nook with a window. In that nook is the door to the attic. I was trying to keep my clothes up there but it's so packed with all my mothers old clothes and items that there really no room. I was trying to figure out where to put my winter things and went to look for a storage bin in the attic. Of course I started to rumage around up there and it was like Christmas. I found all kinds of presents that she had forgotten about and never gave me. In my rumaging I also found an old box full of pictures and letters. As I was looking throught these pictures from my mother in her 20's till her 40's I just sat and cried. She is now 83 and has alzheimers and she is so unkept. That was never her. I feel so guilty that she doesn't have her hair done and nice clothes on her everyday. I've tried but she never wants to go out and then the clothes she keeps trying to give them to me thinking their mine. She won't put them on. I just wish that I could make her understand that they are hers. Actually she has so much clothing that I could probably have decent wardrobes for several worman who need them. I think I am going to have to spend a few days up there going through her things and start getting rid of clothes that I know she will never wear again. I hate to do this. I feel like I'm getting ready for her end. I don't know what will be harder doing it now or doing after the day she is no longer here with me.

The Borders Experience

When I was younger, pre mommie hood, and I got depressed or just even felt ho hum I use to cheer myself up with going to Pier Imports. Now don't laugh, something about that store would always change my mood. I didn't necessarily have to buy anything, just walking around there for an hour looking at every little goodie would change my day. I know that sounds silly but it really did. Then if I was really down in the dumps I would then go to the subway and get a meatball parm sub and go home and enjoy that. Since Kady was born I sort of stopped going there. I did up to her toddler years and she just would hate the idea of going to that store. She would whine and complain the whole time. So I sort of phased that out of my life. Well in the last several years I found another mood enhancer. Borders Book Stores are now my new pick me upper. I can go in there and browse for hours. Before Kady left for college I went their one night and just seemed to find it so relaxing. I went probably to scan the shelves for new jewelry making ideas. I was not much of a reader and mainly would get books or magazines dealing with jewelry making but walking in that night I was hooked. I think I walked out with cook books and jewelry books and probably books on Kabbalah. Over the last year of Kady being home with every mother daughter agrument we would have I would go off to Borders to regroup. Then that day had come in San Diego that I dropped my baby girl off at college and had to walk away. I went back to the empty hotel room, sobbed my eyes out and then decided to take a trip to the borders in the area to see if the magic would work there too. Still all teary eyed I wondered the Borders looking for something to read on the plane to keep me from crying all the way back to New Jersey. I bought a book by Louise Hay about positive thinking and a purple journal. I found a local convinence store and loading up on junk food and went back to the room and threw an importu party for myself. Declaring that it was now my time to do what ever I wanted. I had been a daughter then a wife and then a single mother. Now I was going to be Carol Betz. Over the last 3 years I haven't totally pulled it off, as you all already know. So, tonight I went to my feel good store, Borders. I went there for one particular item. A book that I happen to hear about through the Oprah website. The book is called Queen of Your Own Life, it's by Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff. If any of you have ever watched the Drew Carey Show, you will know who Kathy Kinney is. She is the woman who plays Mimi. Granted this book is probably more the woman in my age group but I really can't see why it would not apply to all women. Well I ended up getting a magazine on Jewelry and a discount cookbook too. But even though I wasn't in any mood funk I still walked out totally happy and grateful that Borders is in my vincinity. Now I'm going to start looking through my books.

Toodles
Carol Betz

Tried and True Favorites

First of all I promised pictures of my spring cleaning well here they are.I told you that it looked like a bomb went off in my room!

I discovered I have a weird addiction to face creams. I had so many premature aging creams that I never used. When going through all these I decided to throw them out and start again but this time use one until it's gone. I'll let you know what I'm trying and if I see any improvements. One product I have used for years now and won't stop using is from Burts Bees. It's called Orange Essence Facial Cleanser. I started using it when I got a small travel size one as part of a present from my brother and his wife. I love the way it makes my skin feel clean. My skin tends to be sensitive and drys out very easily. This cleanser is made for normal to dry and sensitive skin. Orange Essense removes my makeup and doesn't make my skin feel tight like most soaps do. I also use the Burts Bees Citrus Facial scrub with it. I mix the two together and massage it all over my face. Once I'm done my skin has a nice glow and I look very refreshed. The clay mask is another one of my favorites. I'm a big fan of Burts Bees products and even though I have tried other products I just keep coming back to them.

Now as far as clothes, my daughter wants me to wait till she comes home in May to help me with the whole new wardrobe. I really do trust her taste as she has always trusted mine. I use to be always on top of my game as far as my wardrobe. I never walked out the door without looking like someone who just walked out of a photoshoot for a magazine. My wonderful and very fashionable mother taught me at a very young age about fashion and I handed all that knowledge down to my daughter. Somewhere along the line though I stopped and just didn't care. I guess that came along with the low self esteem or maybe the low self esteem came first. I guess it's who came first the chicken or the egg type questions. Which ever it is it is not going to be in my way now. Well all I know is that all the makeup in the world is not going to help if I don't get to bed and get some sleep so toodles for now.

Carol Betz