My Little College Graduate

Well my daughter, Kady has graduated college! It seems like yesterday when I held her in my arms for the first time. She gets so mad at me when I say that after every one of her accomplishments! It's so hard to explain to her how she will always be my baby. That tiny bundle of joy that I fell in love with the first time I looked into those beautiful eyes.I am a very mushy person. I cry over everything. So over the years I have cried over so many handmade mother day cards, stick frames, plays, recitles, drill team proformances, preprom fashions shows, prom nites and of course graduations.I am so proud of her accomplishments so far.I still have one more graduation left that will be the icing on the cake. She is going to go off to law school. I know then wedding and grandchildren etc... With everyone of her accomplishments she never ceases to amaze me. She has always hit the ground running. I have been blessed with a wonderful daughter who is and always has been my best friend.

Creating A New Story!

I have been an Oprah Life Class junkie! I even have the journal that she sent out for signing up early. A few weeks ago she had Iyanla Vanzant as a speaker on the class. Iyana spoke about changing your story and creating a new story. Well it was like getting hit in the head with a brick! That was me! Always telling all my trials and troubles to who would ever listen! Living in my past pains and never moving forward. The hurt and the bitterness have been consuming me so much that I have been getting physical ill. I look like death warmed over and act like I’m some little old lady! I tried to change my diet but failed miserably. I tried to find time for myself but with taking care of my mother that has been now a full time endeavor. By the end of the day I’m just down right depressed. So, I gave up! I have been trying to understand where I went wrong. I use to be the most optimistic person. Where did all that glass half full me go? Over the last 22 years, I just have been hurt, walked on, lied to so much that I got bitter! I thought that it wasn’t affecting me. Oh brother, was I wrong! There was other problems I was dealing with that I couldn’t see around and last night on Life Class another one of those bricks hit me in the head which was an answer to my prays!

Today I start my new story! Clean slate, new blog, better life! I know I’ve said this before but those bricks didn’t hit me in the head then! If you feel there is no way out of your problems, try to watch Oprah’s Life Classes. Even if you are not a fan of hers there is a lot of useful advice in each of these classes. If you are feeling like life is one dead end street after another it can’t hurt. I will also be letting you know other ways that is helping me accomplish my dreams. For instance, blogging every day regardless of what is going on around me. This is the best way to stop and remember what I appreciate in life. I actually love blogging. I’m also starting to make jewelry again and going to blog about that. Come read, www.beadswirestoolsohmy.blogspot.com as it will also have words of encouragement and hopefully wisdom that you can use if you’re the creative type of person.



So remember clean slate, better life and lots of love and appreciation.



Luv ya,

Carol

Don't Worry Be Happy

Every time I hear that song I wonder how can I be happy?  How can I wake up in the morning with a smile on my face and not a thought of my bills and no money and up coming student loans and a car that is about to give out on me. I keep seeing no way off of this terrible merry go round that is making me sick.
A few weeks ago it hit me, one of those "a ha moments" that Oprah talks about. I haven't been taking care of myself.  Through all of the past four years I have been so stressed out about money and how can I get enough money to live, I wasn't living!  I was taking away from myself to pay bills and to make ends meet. How you ask? I wasn't eating very well at all. I was putting my money on my bills first. Then I don't sleep. I lay in bed and worry all night.
So to make a long story short I realized that if I am blessed enough to get an in person interview, who's going to hire a person who has dark circles under her eyes and looks sickly.  Also what good is it if I end up in the hospital (another bill) or God forbid dead.  And if the latter was to happen what does it matter if the cell phone gets turned off or the storage unit auctions off my stuff ( there are the only two bills I have.)  Then of course not eating or sleeping is not helping with my mood. That day that I had this revelation I went over to my book shelf and picked up a book I bought several years ago called Eat This and Live by Don Colbert, MD. I sat and read it from front to back and have about 20 little tab markers in it.  I also read Detox For The Rest Of Us, by Carole Jacobs which I was thrilled to not have to give up meat altogether cause I'm a steak and potato kind of girl.  The recipes in this book sound great and seem to be pretty affordable. I have been fighting this battle all the wrong way. To be happy I have to be healthy. To attract good things into my life I need to be happy.  So eating right is my first course of action.  If I come up with some good healthy recipes I'll try to post them. Or if any of you have some really good recipes that cost hardly anything to make I would really appreciate it.  So wish me luck on my road back to recovery and finally jumping off this crazy merry go round.

Why I stopped Blogging.

I know  haven't blogged in about a year.  To be honest I just haven't felt like it. After the death of Kevin things in my life just kept getting more depressing. My job was giving me less hours and I couldn't meet my bills. Thank God for tax returns. And the universe came through for me once again by giving me enough to get caught up for a while. It's not like I have all these out standing bills.  I haven't had a credit card in years! My motto is, "if I can't buy it with cash than I don't get it".  That's a motto more people should use. I seem to get in trouble with the ATM debit card.  It makes it to easy for you to spend your money on things not in your budget.  For me its eating out! Every day I was waking up worrying about my bills. It was the first thing on my mind when I open my eyes. Trying to find a job is another frustrating area that has made me feel useless. I use to be a loan processor and I can't even get a teller job.  I don't seem to be quailfied for anything and I have lost most of my self esteem due to the countless times I never even was called in for a interview.
Now to top it off I had another person I cared for pass away in this year. Her name was Nancy. She was the wife of Michael who I grew up with. I've known her forever it seems but about two years ago we got together to have a girls day out in Philadelphia and we had the best time. We kept promising each other that we had to do it again and we never got that chance. There's another good lesson never let the world get in the way of spending time with friends and loved ones because you may not have the chance tomorrow. She is so missed. Oddly enough the last time we saw each other we both were in tears over our close friend Kevin.
Than to top off this year my beloved dog Angel  passed away too.  Since I didn't have the money to take him the the vet, I watched him suffer. He was about 15 years old and had a good life, but I miss all his little goofy things he use to do and wish I could have made it more comfortable for his last hours.
Well, enough of me whinning about my problems. I just wanted to give everyone an idea of why I haven't been blogging. I just had nothing great going on in my life and thought I don't want to make anyone feel bad for me.  Now it's a new year and like the saying goes it's never to late to start the day over. So here we go I'm starting the day over or this year I'm starting over with a new attitude that everything is a test of my attitude toward situations. My motto this year is going to be, "I can do this!" Also I am going to be grateful for all that I do have and for all the joy that the little things in life bring to me!

I Lost a Tiny Piece of My Heart.

This post is mainly a plee to be there for a mother who lost her son this week.  I received a text on January 6th at 7:45 am from my first love. It read, "Kevin died in a car accident last nite, please pray for mom". I have known this family since I was 12 years old. I won't really get into the first love part of the story except that we are friends but he lives out of state with his wife and son. Now Kevin is his 33 year old brother who I was there the day he came home from the hospital. I am extremely close to his mother Carolyn and she has been there for me with wine hugs and pep talks that have gotten me through alot. This woman is amazing at  64 years old she is gorgeous. I have alway said I only wish I could be so beautiful. Kevin is her youngest son who had 2 beautiful daughters that worshiped their dad. Kevin always lived life to the fullest and I use to think the kid had nine lives. At a young age he was hit by a car crossing the street on Halloween. Then he had a heart problem that from what I gathered could have killed him very quickly. Kevin loved motorcylcles and fast cars. Well he got into a friends souped up car that night to go for a drive and now none of us will ever be able to see that beautiful smile again. Tonight was the sevice and I was in amazement of how many people were there. I honestly can say I have never seen so many people at a memorial service in my life. Which only cemented the fact that he has brought happiness to so many and the world has lost a precious soul.
Through all of this I keep thinking of Carolyn. She was very strong at the service and like she said this is what Kevin would have wanted. I guess I am writing this post to ask everyone that reads this to pray for her. I can not image the pain this woman is feeling. All of us as mothers know how deeply our love is for our children and to lose one of our children is a pain that is unbearable. It kills me to think of her hurting in such a way. I thought that maybe if I could get as many people to keep her in their thoughts and prays that maybe she may feel some peace. So when you have a moment to spare say a quick pray for Carolyn.

Thank you,
Carol

What happened to Christmas?

If you have every watched the movie of the Grinch Who Stole Christmas, (the one with Jim Carrey) you will know what I'm talking about in this post. This is how I feel every Christmas. Little Cindy Lou Whoo keeps trying to figure out what Christmas is all about. She watches everyone around her running around to buy truckloads of gifts and throw up as many decorations as they can on their homes. Is this what Christmas is about? Especially in these times. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with any of these practices, but on the other hand, our we maybe going alittle overboard? Today I was driving down a street and came across a house with a huge blow up Santa on a Harley. What? Why? Can anyone explain to me when Santa gave up on Rudolf and started hitting the rooftops on his Harley? It just seems to me that we have really forgotten the whole meaning of Christmas. Not only the religous angle but  the childlike belief part of it also. I have been really thinking about this alot in the last few years. It ends up putting me in a very bah hum bug mood and I am already  tired of the music the gift buying and want  December 26th to be here. Kady comes home this week for the holiday and once again mom is being a "Grinch". Kady is so into Christmas.   I think part of my "Scrooge" mentality is due to my financial situation. It could even be caused by the fact that the place I work will be open on Christmas because of it being in a casino. Which it's just another work day for me. It even could be the fact that I have been watching people buy so much stuff for themselves instead of loved ones. That really could be it. Isn't Christmas suppose to be about giving? After seeing Santa with his Harley I decided to do just that. I have been giving change to every little box on every counter I was near. Hopefully the whole idea of monkey see monkey do hit some people who watched me donate money and put their two cents in. If you want to start a little charity work for the season why don't you try this website for http://www.spreadtheglow.org/ I am going to start doing this for the next couple of weeks. This might bring me back to feeling that this is a wonderful holiday. I'll let you know.

Carol Betz

My Dream Home

Everyone has at one time or another talked about what they would do if they won the lottery. Well of course I am no different. I use to always say that if a bag of money fell in front of me I would with in a matter of hours be on the next plane to Santa Barbara, California. As I have gotten older and having a mother who needs me I would stick around NJ until a later time. Well with that in mind and my current financial woes I have found a house that I think about almost every day. It's my dream house. No it's not some huge mansion but yes it is big especially for an empty nester like me. I came upon this house on the Internet while browsing at homes in the area about three years ago. At that time I was about to send my one and only child across the country to college and was absolutely broke. Duh! Doesn't everyone start looking at homes they can't afford when they're pretty much destitute. I guess my reasoning at that time was something wonderful had to happen because things seemed so bleak. You see, I totally believe in "The Secret" and Kabbalah. It has proven true to me time after time.So maybe that is why I was looking at homes. No major miracle ever came, but one thing did happen I had found very cool. When I found this house on the Internet it did not give an address. I had no idea where in our township it was. One day before I moved out of my rented town home, avoiding the whole packing process (which was pack a box and cry) I decided to just go take a ride.  As I was driving around I decided to turn down this street I had never been down. Well as I got toward the end of this of this street, there it was my Internet "dream home"! I sat there for about 5 or 10 minutes just staring in complete amazement. What made me get here I kept thinking. Then I realized the neighbors were peering out their windows and probably wondering why was I sitting there so I slowing drove away.
 I have been thinking about that home now for the last three years.The other day  I decided to take a detour from my errands and see my home which more than likely would have been sold and some family was contently living in by now. Well was I wrong! The home has still not sold. I think the contractor is using it as the model home. The advertising is still on the lawn. Now when I have that bag of money fall in front of me I can go live in my "dream home". It's just sitting waiting for me to come move in. I hear how people want expensive cars and trips around the world and all kinds of things. All I want is to cuddle up on my own couch in my perfect home. I want to have a place so that when Kady comes back for her breaks at college she has a place to call home!

My Bad Habit

I hate to admit this to all of you but I am a smoker. I know it's a disgusting habit! I started smoking at 14 years old and I am going to be 50 on January 29th, so I've been smoking for 36 years. OMG! That does sound horrible! Well the reason I am telling you this because about 3 years ago when I was in San Diego I came across a kiosk that had the electronic cigarettes. I, of course had to try it out. I was in shock of how much it tasted like a real cigarette. I even made Kady try it. Kady, who is not a smoker and hates the smell of cigarettes agreed.  You should have seen her face when I asked her to try it! The look of this is horrible was proof positive that it did taste like a regular cigarette. By the way I knew she had attempted  smoking. (because of course like a lot of teenagers she thought it looked cool) Kady tells me everything, and when she did try smoking she came home that night and asked me if I was nuts because cigarettes tasted terrible. Mom was not the best role model.  I guess watching her mother puff away just added a bit more glamour to it. Well thank God she hates it. So to get on with the story,  I wanted to buy it on the spot but of course like always I really didn't have the money. I was trying to furnish Kady's dorm room and get her all comfortable with her new surroundings. So I promised myself that someday I would get this. Well it took 3 years to finally break down and spend the money. I have been going out to my car and smoking because I won't smoke in my mother's home. The other thing that you need to know about me is I hate cold weather. Not that New Jersey is the coldest place in the world but it might as well be Alaska to me. I finally was sitting in my car the other night and freezing my little tushy off and thought about these electronic smokes. Today as I was cleaning out a drawer I found the card the man had given me at that kiosk 3 years ago. I went on the website and found that they where having a sale. I cost me $60.00 instead of the 190.00 it would have cost me that day in San Diego. See the universe does work in mysterious ways. Maybe someone out there heard my plea or at least the chattering of my teeth.

One of those "Ah Ha" moments

On the 22 of November I had to pick up my daughter at the Philadelphia Airport. Nothing really new, I have been driving to and from the airport alot in the past several years. This time once I had gotten off the expressway and ontoFront Street I stopped at the light and saw this homeless woman on the corner. There have been people with signs there in the past but I really didn't pay much attention to them. Guess my thoughts were I was broke and couldn't really help them. I only had enough money to pay for parking and for the tolls on the way home. This day was different, maybe because it was a woman. Maybe it was because something was telling me to pay more attention. Well on with the story, I drove by her like I did the others but all the rest of the way to the airport I thought about her. It was cold out (well to me at least) and I wondered if she was really homeless. Where did she sleep at night? Did she have kids? Is she out there because she screwed up her life or is it that everything went wrong? (you know, lost her job, her home, etc)Once I got to the airport and reunited with my daughter I had forgotten all about this woman. Kady and I went to a local famous restaraunt for a philly cheese steak and then about 3 hours later proceeded to go back home. As we came to the light again on Front Street she was still out there with her sign. This time as I passed her I took a really good look at her. Her hood was up and her jacket was zippered to the top. As I passed we both looked right at each other. I saw the despair in her eyes! She just look sad and frightened! I thought of her all this past week, especially on Thanksgiving. I could have easily be her. I have more debt than I do money. I live with my mother rent free because I can not afford a place of my own. I drive my mothers car. If I did not have my mother and brother I would be out on the streets.

When I was driving Kady back to the airport on Sunday I saw her again at the light on Front Street with her sign. This time I told Kady to give me some money she was holding for parking. She handed me a dollar and asked me what I was doing. I stopped at the green light on that corner and gave this woman the money. As I handed the money to her I felt how dry and rough her hands were. She looked at me and said God bless you. I said "no, God bless you". God has already blessed me with a roof over my head and a car to drive and even a part time job. So the next time you pass a homeless person, don't judge, just give. In todays world there are too many people like you or I who might be standing on a street corner needing money to buy a warm meal. I feel that this woman was a lesson for me to appreciate all that I do have. I know that my dollar didn't get her much but it helped. I could see that in her eyes.

My Crazy LIfe

 May was the last time I sat down to blog. On May 22nd Kady came home from college with a girlfriend for a week. Everything was great. My baby girl was home, she had her friend here for a week and we got to show her the sites of Atlantic City and she met all Kady's friends. They even got to go up to NYC to for a little overnight trip. Well then everything went downhill from there. A week later I got this call at work from my daughter sobbing hysterically. She was on her way back from dropping her friend off at the airport and was about 10 minutes from home and she was in a car accident. All I remember hearing was she had glass in her head! I don't think I have ever have driven so fast down the White Horse Pike in my life. She was at home because she refused medical treatment at the scene. I got to the house and she just collasped in my arms crying and kept saying it wasn't her fault. It seems that a man was busy looking at his GPS ran a red light and she did not have enough time to stop. The car was totaled! All I cared about was that she was alright. I then had to take her to the emergency ward to have her checked out.  Nothing broken, just bruised up. Glass was in her hair not in her head, thank God! Now the fun part police reports, insurance papers and the very rude insurance adjuster from the man's insurance agency. Then of course getting Kady another car. You don't know how terrible I felt when most of the dealerships told us that I wasn't a strong enough co-signer and she had no one else that would co-sign for her. I am a firm believer in " The Secret" especially after this episode of mishaps. When both of us were at the end of our ropes and did not know how to remedy this I recieved a piece of mail that implied that I was eligable for a car loan at a local dealership. One we had not even gone to. I called to find out more about it and I was told to come in and meet with Tim Flannagan. So off we went to give this one more try. When we walked into Tim's office I knew I knew him from somewhere and the same was going through his mind. It turns out he and his wife use to babysit Kady when she was small. I haven't seen this man in about 15 years. Once we realized how we knew each other he guaranteed that by hell or high water he would figure out a way for us to get a car loan. A few days later Kady was driving off the lot with a 2008 Chevy Colbalt. Granted Kady's dream car is a Ford Mustang but she was just happy we got a car. One problem solved .
Next, this was the year Kady was going to bring her car with her to school out west. Now, my job if that is what you want to call it was only giving me anywhere from 10 to 17 hours a week. At $8.50 an hour that doesn't even pay my bills. So money was so tight.  Kady was working 40 hours a week through the summer to help me pay the bills. She was going to take the money this summer to help her with the cost of the apartment she was moving into. Well the cost of getting the car out there and her flying  was draining the rest of her hard earned money. Then low and behold we got her student loan and we ended up with more than we expected. We ended up driving the car out together and me flying home. Once again the Universe came through for us. We had a wonderful trip that we will remember always. Now the other problem which I don't think that the universe can fix is my mother. The Alzheimers is getting worse. We have to watch her very closely that she does not get in the shower without our help and or do something that she may injure herself. I feel like my brother and I now have a toddler to watch over. She doesn't know how to wash her own hair now or brush her teeth. I now have become a mother to my mother and it's so hard and heartbreaking. Another strokeof universal intervention did come about a few weeks ago. I have been wanting to go back to making jewelry but I have been totally uninspired. Well my friend called me and asked me if I wanted to go back to teaching classes at Michaels. I jumped at the chance because I loved teaching the classes and realized that maybe this is what I needed to do to try to get my creative juices flowing again. The other thing that I really loved doing was blogging and decided that I will start another blog for my students. So there is my story of my crazy life. Now it is time to buckle down and start to take some time for me. Even if it means locking myself in a closet somewhere to try to meditate for 10 minutes. Well enough of me rambling on. Off to get some much need sleep. Sweet dreams

Carol Betz

What Mom Said

The other day at work we got in these stitcheries. Most of them had sweet little comments like home sweet home or home is where the love is, etc. There is one in particular that I just loved. With Mothers Day just around the corner I thought I would share it with all of you. Me, being a mother of a 20 year old young lady I have hit everyone of these sayings. It funny I remember all of these sayings coming from my mother and I thought I'm never going to say that to my child. Well guess what, I did and some of them quite a few times. I have even said one or two of them and threw my hand over my mouth thinking that maybe I could catch it before it passed my lips but low and behold it was to late. So enjoy this and for you mothers out there that swear your never going to say some of these little ditties trust me you will. Have a wonderful Mothers Day!

PS. Sorry that it is alittle bit off center me and a co worker were trying to take the picture without getting in any trouble.

luv ya,
Carol Betz

The Attic

Today I set off on a mission to reorganize my room. I moved in with my mother and brother when Kady went off to college. Going from a 2 bedroom townhome to a bedroom is not an easy task. Over the past two years I have tried to make my room as homie as I could since I spend alot of time there. All the furniture that is in here is my mothers. There is no closet in my room. I can't remember why but my father sort of took out the closet and made it like a little nook with a window. In that nook is the door to the attic. I was trying to keep my clothes up there but it's so packed with all my mothers old clothes and items that there really no room. I was trying to figure out where to put my winter things and went to look for a storage bin in the attic. Of course I started to rumage around up there and it was like Christmas. I found all kinds of presents that she had forgotten about and never gave me. In my rumaging I also found an old box full of pictures and letters. As I was looking throught these pictures from my mother in her 20's till her 40's I just sat and cried. She is now 83 and has alzheimers and she is so unkept. That was never her. I feel so guilty that she doesn't have her hair done and nice clothes on her everyday. I've tried but she never wants to go out and then the clothes she keeps trying to give them to me thinking their mine. She won't put them on. I just wish that I could make her understand that they are hers. Actually she has so much clothing that I could probably have decent wardrobes for several worman who need them. I think I am going to have to spend a few days up there going through her things and start getting rid of clothes that I know she will never wear again. I hate to do this. I feel like I'm getting ready for her end. I don't know what will be harder doing it now or doing after the day she is no longer here with me.

The Borders Experience

When I was younger, pre mommie hood, and I got depressed or just even felt ho hum I use to cheer myself up with going to Pier Imports. Now don't laugh, something about that store would always change my mood. I didn't necessarily have to buy anything, just walking around there for an hour looking at every little goodie would change my day. I know that sounds silly but it really did. Then if I was really down in the dumps I would then go to the subway and get a meatball parm sub and go home and enjoy that. Since Kady was born I sort of stopped going there. I did up to her toddler years and she just would hate the idea of going to that store. She would whine and complain the whole time. So I sort of phased that out of my life. Well in the last several years I found another mood enhancer. Borders Book Stores are now my new pick me upper. I can go in there and browse for hours. Before Kady left for college I went their one night and just seemed to find it so relaxing. I went probably to scan the shelves for new jewelry making ideas. I was not much of a reader and mainly would get books or magazines dealing with jewelry making but walking in that night I was hooked. I think I walked out with cook books and jewelry books and probably books on Kabbalah. Over the last year of Kady being home with every mother daughter agrument we would have I would go off to Borders to regroup. Then that day had come in San Diego that I dropped my baby girl off at college and had to walk away. I went back to the empty hotel room, sobbed my eyes out and then decided to take a trip to the borders in the area to see if the magic would work there too. Still all teary eyed I wondered the Borders looking for something to read on the plane to keep me from crying all the way back to New Jersey. I bought a book by Louise Hay about positive thinking and a purple journal. I found a local convinence store and loading up on junk food and went back to the room and threw an importu party for myself. Declaring that it was now my time to do what ever I wanted. I had been a daughter then a wife and then a single mother. Now I was going to be Carol Betz. Over the last 3 years I haven't totally pulled it off, as you all already know. So, tonight I went to my feel good store, Borders. I went there for one particular item. A book that I happen to hear about through the Oprah website. The book is called Queen of Your Own Life, it's by Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff. If any of you have ever watched the Drew Carey Show, you will know who Kathy Kinney is. She is the woman who plays Mimi. Granted this book is probably more the woman in my age group but I really can't see why it would not apply to all women. Well I ended up getting a magazine on Jewelry and a discount cookbook too. But even though I wasn't in any mood funk I still walked out totally happy and grateful that Borders is in my vincinity. Now I'm going to start looking through my books.

Toodles
Carol Betz

Tried and True Favorites

First of all I promised pictures of my spring cleaning well here they are.I told you that it looked like a bomb went off in my room!

I discovered I have a weird addiction to face creams. I had so many premature aging creams that I never used. When going through all these I decided to throw them out and start again but this time use one until it's gone. I'll let you know what I'm trying and if I see any improvements. One product I have used for years now and won't stop using is from Burts Bees. It's called Orange Essence Facial Cleanser. I started using it when I got a small travel size one as part of a present from my brother and his wife. I love the way it makes my skin feel clean. My skin tends to be sensitive and drys out very easily. This cleanser is made for normal to dry and sensitive skin. Orange Essense removes my makeup and doesn't make my skin feel tight like most soaps do. I also use the Burts Bees Citrus Facial scrub with it. I mix the two together and massage it all over my face. Once I'm done my skin has a nice glow and I look very refreshed. The clay mask is another one of my favorites. I'm a big fan of Burts Bees products and even though I have tried other products I just keep coming back to them.

Now as far as clothes, my daughter wants me to wait till she comes home in May to help me with the whole new wardrobe. I really do trust her taste as she has always trusted mine. I use to be always on top of my game as far as my wardrobe. I never walked out the door without looking like someone who just walked out of a photoshoot for a magazine. My wonderful and very fashionable mother taught me at a very young age about fashion and I handed all that knowledge down to my daughter. Somewhere along the line though I stopped and just didn't care. I guess that came along with the low self esteem or maybe the low self esteem came first. I guess it's who came first the chicken or the egg type questions. Which ever it is it is not going to be in my way now. Well all I know is that all the makeup in the world is not going to help if I don't get to bed and get some sleep so toodles for now.

Carol Betz

Spring Cleaning

Today I started to go through some of my clothes and beauty products. The next thing you know my room looked like a bomb went off in it. As soon as I can find the cord to the camera in this mess I'll down load the pictures. I already knew that I was in desperate need of clothes. What I found was I have quite a number of tee shirts but no jeans or shorts. Also, I have not one cute summer dress or skirt. Sad, isn't it? Told you I let my self go. I got so frugul to the point I didn't feel it was necessary. There was always something else I could spend the money on than me. Well I made a vow that once I got my tax return money that I was going to go on a shopping spree. Yahoo! The money is in my account. As I was dragging out all of these relics of clothing and old beauty products I decided to sit down and do this shopping spree in a very organized manner. This way I know what I'm looking for and not to go overboard on things I really don't need. Then maybe when I get out to the store I won't get that I don't need it feeling. I will know I do. Since I'm someone out of the loop of whats in style (I never thought I would say that. I was always a little fashionista) I am going to go and look at a couple of magazines to see what style and colors are in.
One thing I am definately getting this year is a bathing suit. I haven't had one in years. I never seem to have the time to go to the beach. I live about 15 minutes away. See what I mean never think of me time. When I lived out west I was at the beach almost daily. Even if it meant grabbing a cup of coffee and walking down just to sit and look at  the ocean. I know that most of you ladies are younger than me so here's some words of advice. Do not let this happen to you. Always take alittle time out for yourself. What ever seemed more pressing will be there when you come back. Trust me on that one. Well anyway off to the store for me to go get a couple of magazines. Since it is a nice day out today maybe I'll go to the beach with a cup of coffee and towel and read them on the beach. See ya later. Toddles
Carol

Doing Some Soul Searching

Hi Everybody. Hope everyone is well. I know I haven't been blogging, but I needed some time to do some soul searching. I hit 49 years old this year and I looked in the mirror and realized that the woman looking back at me wasn't someone I knew. It was this woman who was definately older than I was. That just couldn't be me.   I kept promising myself that I was going to work on this but until today I haven't made that attempt. You know when you say you want to do something but are too afraid of failing well.... This is the plan and I really need your support. I want to revamp my life in every aspect. I want to work on my health, my looks and my finances. I'm going to start eating right. No more trips through the drive thru. Eat three meals a day which I haven't done in ages. It's not like I need to lose weight, I'm very lucky in that I am thin. Then of course my looks. I am going to get a whole new wardrobe. I am tired of looking so frumpy. I see women who look so put together and I am embarrassed of how I have let myself go. I use to be the all time fashionista that wouldn't dare walk out of the house not looking perfect. So I'm going to get as many pieces of clothing I can get within my budget of $1,000.00. Then of course I am going to start wearing makeup again. I don't even remember when I stopped wearing makeup but I know I need it now. The other thing is getting my hair cut in a new style and keeping up on getting it colored. Then last but not least my finances. I haven't written in my checkbook in years and that darn debit card is so easy to use. Then my big goal this year is moving into my own home again. I love my mother to death but I need to feel that I can be independent again. This is one of the hardest goals because even though my mother isn't even quite sure who I am anymore there still is this bond between us. When she gets confused and scared she comes to me and pleads with me to never leave her. I thought that when the day comes I will just bring her to my home. Now you know my goals and like I said before I really need your support and if you have any words of encouragement, they will be greatly appreciated. I am going to blog everyday to let you all know how I'm doing.

The Christmas Wreath

I know I haven't written in so long and I am so sorry. As of November 2nd I started back to college online. Between school and work I haven't had time to breath. I know that I still have to award people with my awards and hopefully I will in the next two weeks.
The reason I made it a point to write tonight. As I drove up our street tonight I saw my neighbor across the street put up their Christmas decorations. I moved into this house with my parents when I was nine and every year since then I felt like Christmas was definately on it's way when I would see the Palmisano's christmas decorations. When I was little there was a Santa in a sled with reindeer on the roof, A boy and girl caroling, and a few other assorted treats. Of course lots of lights. But the best of all was this huge wreath that you would have to step through to go to the front door. This wreath was hand made by Mr. Palmisano. It was constructed out of wood and decorated with lights and a big red bow. They have been putting the wreath up for all these years. Well last year they said it would be the last year for the wreath. They have threatened that before but faithfully the next year the wreath would be errected for another christmas. Well sadly enough the wreath is not up. This made me realize all the wonderful memories of christmas past. Growing up and the anticipation of christmas morning. My daughter was lucky enough to experience the thrill of the wreath growing up also. The house is decorated once again very wonderfully. They have some of those air filled characters and of course lots of lights. They continue to do this for their grandchildren and now their great grandchildren. I don't think I ever realized how much that wreath meant to me until tonight. Over the years of raising my daughter and trying to get everything I could on her list to Santa, I lost the christmas spirit. It became the horror of I have to shop for all this stuff and how I going to pay for all this. OMG where am I going to find that certain Barbie? I have to get that Barbie! I got to be ridiculous where I would break down and cry because I couldn't remember what tee shirt at Pac Sun she wanted. I tried so hard to make sure her christmas was perfect. Now that she is grown (19)and I can't really get her to much due to getting it back out west. I have to go more with the gift certificate route. I am realizing that all the happy memories I had sitting on the floor with her opening those presents and seeing her little face light up were way worth it. I know all you moms out there are rushing around right now trying to get the newest Barbie or that video game for your little ones. If so, stop take a moment to think of something from your past christmas' try to remember what this season is all about. Be grateful for those childhood memories and enjoy your future moments with your family and friends. And hopefully the palmisano clan gets to read this. Thank you for all your love support and encouragement for the last 20 years. You have been there for me in one way or another and I am so grateful. And Mr. and Mrs. Palmisano thank you for that beautiful wreath it has brought happiness to both me and Kady.

PS. I think I have a picture of the wreath I will post soon.

Happy Halloween

When I got off work tonight and drove home I realized that I did not see one child in a costume today. I saw plenty of adults. I especially saw quite a few younger women in costumes that should have been more for the bedroom then in public. But no little children. As I drove onto our street I wondered where all the children were that usually crowded the sidewalks of our block. Not one child in sight. Weird. As I parked my car I realized that almost all the houses on the block were dark. That was sort of a sad, no one was giving candy out this year? As I got out of my car a heard a lot of rucus coming from a house the next street over. At first I thought it was from the house that always had a haunted walk thru.  They scared the kids ever since my daughter's  first halloween. But sadly enough, no it wasn't that, it was the house next door having a party. Not a party for their children but a party for the adults. And they sounded like this party had been going on for a few hours already from the comments I was hearing. Well as I walked in my house the first thing my brother informs me was that they had no kids this year! This is a first. This block was always one of the busiest blocks on halloween, now nothing. Most of the parents were going to see a local band at a bar in the area or had parties to go to themselves. Tell me when did halloween become an adult holiday? I must have missed that memo! I know the world is not as safe as it was when I was a child but come on. My daughter treat or treated on this street all through her adolensence due to the fact that alot of the families we knew. Alot of people would bring their children to the shops in the casinos knowing that maybe it would be a safer bet. Not this year. I think the beginning of the end is one of the last times I took Kady around, other parents had wagons that they would drag around with them. No, not for their tired little tots but for the cooler full of beers. Makes you wonder what our world is coming to when parents can't even take time to spend  with their little ones with out a bud light. Gloomy thought huh?
Well for you moms and dads that walked all over the neighborhoods to search for the house that had the best candy. Carried all the extra accessories to those costumes that your child handed you at the second house you went too. Had to go up to the door yourself cause your little one wanted no parts of that scary witch by the door. Had to try to keep your eye on your little pink power ranger in admist of 5 of them running for the same door. And all the other wonderful things that happens on this night. Thank you for being a good parent.
Night,
Carol

I Won My First Award!!!

Yesterday for some strange reason I was very down in the dumps. I can't explain why, I just was. I felt like I can't seem to get my life together. Maybe it was that I have this trivial little job that pays no money and I always seem to be short at the end of the week. Maybe it's because I have to start back to college on monday and I really don't want to. I have no choice or I have to pay for the classes I took. And I don't have an extra $5,000.00 sitting around.
Maybe my gloomy mood  was the fact that my ex-husband and his new girlfriend are buying a house together. Not that I care that he has a girlfriend, or he's even buying a house. It's the fact that the townhome he did own was my daughter only inheritence from him. Now that he's going into this, where, once again does that leave my daughter? Also it burns me up that earlier this summer we had a problem with my parent plus loan for her school and they asked me to get a co-signer. Well my daughter immediately got on the phone with the most logical choice, him. When I had to get on the phone and face the embarrassment of having to ask for his help, he of course gave me a long speel about he couldn't cause he was having all kinds of issues with his credit and that he wouldn't be able to. Now I know why!   God I am so grateful I divorced him. The only good thing that came from that 10 year marriage was my daughter. Sorry for all the bitterness. Let me get back on track here.
Any way, I just felt down. Well, I got home and went to look at my emails and first I got an email from Madonna. No, I don't personally know Madonna. But the fact that I got this email made me giggle. Which I really did need. The email was pertaining to her project Raising Malawi. Which if I could honestly help, I would. I want no child of any place to be hungry or suffer in any way. Believe me, if I had Madonna's money I would be over there in a heartbeat building the schools myself. I know alot of people don't care for her but I look at this way. She once said that she wanted to conquer the world. Well she set out to do it and she accomplished it. Through this email and video of her asking for help I became more depressed. Thinking I can't give a $10.00 donation to help some poor children.
Deciding that I had to move on and see if there was any job offers, I scanned my other emails. Lots of junk and then I noticed someone commented on my blog. Yeaaaa! I love it when I get comments. Well this comment made my mood immediately change. I won an award !  I won "One Lovely Blog Award"! I have it proudly posted on the right hand side.  The wonderful blogger who gave me this award is Jael Custom Designs. I was so delighted, this whole putting a blog together with no knowledge has been very trying. And that made me very proud of myself and felt that yes I did a good job.
There is one little problem though as she put it, there are rules. I have to link to her site and mention her site. Then I have to pass my award to 15 other bloggers that I feel deserve this award. Well the problem is I don't know how to link. I've tried all night to figure this out and I can't get it. So, I already have blogs in mind of who I want to give this award to but can't at this very moment. As soon as I get this figured out I will have a list of the blogs. And hopefully I will make someone's day by giving this award to them. Just as Jen turned my day from dismal to wonderful and how I am extremely grateful for that. Thank you again Jen.

carol betz

Oh What a Wonderful Day

My day started out absolutely wonderful. I got up to watch the meteor shower. Then stayed up to watch the sunrise. Years ago, I watched these beautiful sites with my mother and my daughter. Now I had to go it alone. My mom wouldn't understand why I would wake her up in the middle of the night to go outside. Then,  my daughter is at college. She claimed she was going to watch it too. I think she wanted to make me feel better about being out there by myself. Well I didn't mind in the least bit. There's something about the middle of the night that seems so peaceful. To be able to look up and see such a spectacular site is just  amazing. Then to sit and wait for the sun to rise and the world around you come alive. See, how can that not be the start of a wonderful day? I am very grateful for what I got to see and for the perfect memory of the night long ago. I just hope my daughter got to remember that cold fall night when we all were together.