My Little College Graduate

Well my daughter, Kady has graduated college! It seems like yesterday when I held her in my arms for the first time. She gets so mad at me when I say that after every one of her accomplishments! It's so hard to explain to her how she will always be my baby. That tiny bundle of joy that I fell in love with the first time I looked into those beautiful eyes.I am a very mushy person. I cry over everything. So over the years I have cried over so many handmade mother day cards, stick frames, plays, recitles, drill team proformances, preprom fashions shows, prom nites and of course graduations.I am so proud of her accomplishments so far.I still have one more graduation left that will be the icing on the cake. She is going to go off to law school. I know then wedding and grandchildren etc... With everyone of her accomplishments she never ceases to amaze me. She has always hit the ground running. I have been blessed with a wonderful daughter who is and always has been my best friend.

Creating A New Story!

I have been an Oprah Life Class junkie! I even have the journal that she sent out for signing up early. A few weeks ago she had Iyanla Vanzant as a speaker on the class. Iyana spoke about changing your story and creating a new story. Well it was like getting hit in the head with a brick! That was me! Always telling all my trials and troubles to who would ever listen! Living in my past pains and never moving forward. The hurt and the bitterness have been consuming me so much that I have been getting physical ill. I look like death warmed over and act like I’m some little old lady! I tried to change my diet but failed miserably. I tried to find time for myself but with taking care of my mother that has been now a full time endeavor. By the end of the day I’m just down right depressed. So, I gave up! I have been trying to understand where I went wrong. I use to be the most optimistic person. Where did all that glass half full me go? Over the last 22 years, I just have been hurt, walked on, lied to so much that I got bitter! I thought that it wasn’t affecting me. Oh brother, was I wrong! There was other problems I was dealing with that I couldn’t see around and last night on Life Class another one of those bricks hit me in the head which was an answer to my prays!

Today I start my new story! Clean slate, new blog, better life! I know I’ve said this before but those bricks didn’t hit me in the head then! If you feel there is no way out of your problems, try to watch Oprah’s Life Classes. Even if you are not a fan of hers there is a lot of useful advice in each of these classes. If you are feeling like life is one dead end street after another it can’t hurt. I will also be letting you know other ways that is helping me accomplish my dreams. For instance, blogging every day regardless of what is going on around me. This is the best way to stop and remember what I appreciate in life. I actually love blogging. I’m also starting to make jewelry again and going to blog about that. Come read, www.beadswirestoolsohmy.blogspot.com as it will also have words of encouragement and hopefully wisdom that you can use if you’re the creative type of person.



So remember clean slate, better life and lots of love and appreciation.



Luv ya,

Carol

Don't Worry Be Happy

Every time I hear that song I wonder how can I be happy?  How can I wake up in the morning with a smile on my face and not a thought of my bills and no money and up coming student loans and a car that is about to give out on me. I keep seeing no way off of this terrible merry go round that is making me sick.
A few weeks ago it hit me, one of those "a ha moments" that Oprah talks about. I haven't been taking care of myself.  Through all of the past four years I have been so stressed out about money and how can I get enough money to live, I wasn't living!  I was taking away from myself to pay bills and to make ends meet. How you ask? I wasn't eating very well at all. I was putting my money on my bills first. Then I don't sleep. I lay in bed and worry all night.
So to make a long story short I realized that if I am blessed enough to get an in person interview, who's going to hire a person who has dark circles under her eyes and looks sickly.  Also what good is it if I end up in the hospital (another bill) or God forbid dead.  And if the latter was to happen what does it matter if the cell phone gets turned off or the storage unit auctions off my stuff ( there are the only two bills I have.)  Then of course not eating or sleeping is not helping with my mood. That day that I had this revelation I went over to my book shelf and picked up a book I bought several years ago called Eat This and Live by Don Colbert, MD. I sat and read it from front to back and have about 20 little tab markers in it.  I also read Detox For The Rest Of Us, by Carole Jacobs which I was thrilled to not have to give up meat altogether cause I'm a steak and potato kind of girl.  The recipes in this book sound great and seem to be pretty affordable. I have been fighting this battle all the wrong way. To be happy I have to be healthy. To attract good things into my life I need to be happy.  So eating right is my first course of action.  If I come up with some good healthy recipes I'll try to post them. Or if any of you have some really good recipes that cost hardly anything to make I would really appreciate it.  So wish me luck on my road back to recovery and finally jumping off this crazy merry go round.

Why I stopped Blogging.

I know  haven't blogged in about a year.  To be honest I just haven't felt like it. After the death of Kevin things in my life just kept getting more depressing. My job was giving me less hours and I couldn't meet my bills. Thank God for tax returns. And the universe came through for me once again by giving me enough to get caught up for a while. It's not like I have all these out standing bills.  I haven't had a credit card in years! My motto is, "if I can't buy it with cash than I don't get it".  That's a motto more people should use. I seem to get in trouble with the ATM debit card.  It makes it to easy for you to spend your money on things not in your budget.  For me its eating out! Every day I was waking up worrying about my bills. It was the first thing on my mind when I open my eyes. Trying to find a job is another frustrating area that has made me feel useless. I use to be a loan processor and I can't even get a teller job.  I don't seem to be quailfied for anything and I have lost most of my self esteem due to the countless times I never even was called in for a interview.
Now to top it off I had another person I cared for pass away in this year. Her name was Nancy. She was the wife of Michael who I grew up with. I've known her forever it seems but about two years ago we got together to have a girls day out in Philadelphia and we had the best time. We kept promising each other that we had to do it again and we never got that chance. There's another good lesson never let the world get in the way of spending time with friends and loved ones because you may not have the chance tomorrow. She is so missed. Oddly enough the last time we saw each other we both were in tears over our close friend Kevin.
Than to top off this year my beloved dog Angel  passed away too.  Since I didn't have the money to take him the the vet, I watched him suffer. He was about 15 years old and had a good life, but I miss all his little goofy things he use to do and wish I could have made it more comfortable for his last hours.
Well, enough of me whinning about my problems. I just wanted to give everyone an idea of why I haven't been blogging. I just had nothing great going on in my life and thought I don't want to make anyone feel bad for me.  Now it's a new year and like the saying goes it's never to late to start the day over. So here we go I'm starting the day over or this year I'm starting over with a new attitude that everything is a test of my attitude toward situations. My motto this year is going to be, "I can do this!" Also I am going to be grateful for all that I do have and for all the joy that the little things in life bring to me!

I Lost a Tiny Piece of My Heart.

This post is mainly a plee to be there for a mother who lost her son this week.  I received a text on January 6th at 7:45 am from my first love. It read, "Kevin died in a car accident last nite, please pray for mom". I have known this family since I was 12 years old. I won't really get into the first love part of the story except that we are friends but he lives out of state with his wife and son. Now Kevin is his 33 year old brother who I was there the day he came home from the hospital. I am extremely close to his mother Carolyn and she has been there for me with wine hugs and pep talks that have gotten me through alot. This woman is amazing at  64 years old she is gorgeous. I have alway said I only wish I could be so beautiful. Kevin is her youngest son who had 2 beautiful daughters that worshiped their dad. Kevin always lived life to the fullest and I use to think the kid had nine lives. At a young age he was hit by a car crossing the street on Halloween. Then he had a heart problem that from what I gathered could have killed him very quickly. Kevin loved motorcylcles and fast cars. Well he got into a friends souped up car that night to go for a drive and now none of us will ever be able to see that beautiful smile again. Tonight was the sevice and I was in amazement of how many people were there. I honestly can say I have never seen so many people at a memorial service in my life. Which only cemented the fact that he has brought happiness to so many and the world has lost a precious soul.
Through all of this I keep thinking of Carolyn. She was very strong at the service and like she said this is what Kevin would have wanted. I guess I am writing this post to ask everyone that reads this to pray for her. I can not image the pain this woman is feeling. All of us as mothers know how deeply our love is for our children and to lose one of our children is a pain that is unbearable. It kills me to think of her hurting in such a way. I thought that maybe if I could get as many people to keep her in their thoughts and prays that maybe she may feel some peace. So when you have a moment to spare say a quick pray for Carolyn.

Thank you,
Carol

What happened to Christmas?

If you have every watched the movie of the Grinch Who Stole Christmas, (the one with Jim Carrey) you will know what I'm talking about in this post. This is how I feel every Christmas. Little Cindy Lou Whoo keeps trying to figure out what Christmas is all about. She watches everyone around her running around to buy truckloads of gifts and throw up as many decorations as they can on their homes. Is this what Christmas is about? Especially in these times. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with any of these practices, but on the other hand, our we maybe going alittle overboard? Today I was driving down a street and came across a house with a huge blow up Santa on a Harley. What? Why? Can anyone explain to me when Santa gave up on Rudolf and started hitting the rooftops on his Harley? It just seems to me that we have really forgotten the whole meaning of Christmas. Not only the religous angle but  the childlike belief part of it also. I have been really thinking about this alot in the last few years. It ends up putting me in a very bah hum bug mood and I am already  tired of the music the gift buying and want  December 26th to be here. Kady comes home this week for the holiday and once again mom is being a "Grinch". Kady is so into Christmas.   I think part of my "Scrooge" mentality is due to my financial situation. It could even be caused by the fact that the place I work will be open on Christmas because of it being in a casino. Which it's just another work day for me. It even could be the fact that I have been watching people buy so much stuff for themselves instead of loved ones. That really could be it. Isn't Christmas suppose to be about giving? After seeing Santa with his Harley I decided to do just that. I have been giving change to every little box on every counter I was near. Hopefully the whole idea of monkey see monkey do hit some people who watched me donate money and put their two cents in. If you want to start a little charity work for the season why don't you try this website for http://www.spreadtheglow.org/ I am going to start doing this for the next couple of weeks. This might bring me back to feeling that this is a wonderful holiday. I'll let you know.

Carol Betz

My Dream Home

Everyone has at one time or another talked about what they would do if they won the lottery. Well of course I am no different. I use to always say that if a bag of money fell in front of me I would with in a matter of hours be on the next plane to Santa Barbara, California. As I have gotten older and having a mother who needs me I would stick around NJ until a later time. Well with that in mind and my current financial woes I have found a house that I think about almost every day. It's my dream house. No it's not some huge mansion but yes it is big especially for an empty nester like me. I came upon this house on the Internet while browsing at homes in the area about three years ago. At that time I was about to send my one and only child across the country to college and was absolutely broke. Duh! Doesn't everyone start looking at homes they can't afford when they're pretty much destitute. I guess my reasoning at that time was something wonderful had to happen because things seemed so bleak. You see, I totally believe in "The Secret" and Kabbalah. It has proven true to me time after time.So maybe that is why I was looking at homes. No major miracle ever came, but one thing did happen I had found very cool. When I found this house on the Internet it did not give an address. I had no idea where in our township it was. One day before I moved out of my rented town home, avoiding the whole packing process (which was pack a box and cry) I decided to just go take a ride.  As I was driving around I decided to turn down this street I had never been down. Well as I got toward the end of this of this street, there it was my Internet "dream home"! I sat there for about 5 or 10 minutes just staring in complete amazement. What made me get here I kept thinking. Then I realized the neighbors were peering out their windows and probably wondering why was I sitting there so I slowing drove away.
 I have been thinking about that home now for the last three years.The other day  I decided to take a detour from my errands and see my home which more than likely would have been sold and some family was contently living in by now. Well was I wrong! The home has still not sold. I think the contractor is using it as the model home. The advertising is still on the lawn. Now when I have that bag of money fall in front of me I can go live in my "dream home". It's just sitting waiting for me to come move in. I hear how people want expensive cars and trips around the world and all kinds of things. All I want is to cuddle up on my own couch in my perfect home. I want to have a place so that when Kady comes back for her breaks at college she has a place to call home!